"Let me tell u about me...my name is Winsey and i moved to New York when i was 21 years old to become a dancer, but i broke my big toe, and then i got knocked up by some actor who dumped me to join the peace corp, so for the past 16 years ive been raising my daughter all by myself n then 2 weeks ago she tells ME that she is a BISEXUAL n that she hates me more than any person on this planet.. so now, tell me how I can help u bcuz i am dyin to make ur dreams come true."

Laura, that was really funny, ya well i had to take that out of my profile to fit this in there, so ya i put it in here, i love ya, bye

I wrote this note to nicole when me andl aura were fighting about the whole z thing a long time ago....

Okay in z's profile it said, I love laura, and i didntk no yet but i knew laura was keeping something from me cuz she was talking to sam jo about it. So i asked her to tell me and she wouldnt and me, sam jo, and steff were staying after school so when laura left sam said "do you want me to tell you" and i was like ya and she said "ok i was going to anyways" and then she told me. And we werewalking down to the cross walk and laura was there and sam said i could tell laura she told me so i did and i asked why she didnt just tell me and she just walked away and went up to sam, and sam was by hannah and her friends, and said "you told her, fucking bitch", i think you were there. and so online that night she asked me if i made sam tell me and we just talked about it for awhile, but the reason i was mad at her is because she told me that i couldnt talk to z about it until she did but i had already called him and i was jsut waiting for him to call me back, but i promised i wouldnt get him mad at her but she didnt believe me and that's why shes mad at me, atleast i think."

Y so thats wat it said and it was just a really stupid fight that i remembered cuz i found that note so i decided to write about it in here. If you wanna kno how it turned out okie dokie...Me and Z got everything figured out and now I love him more than anything and me and laura got things figured out too, i talked to her and we both decided that it was a stupid fight and to jsut forget about it.

Right now...Every1 knows im in love with z, and ya i believe that he loves me too but... I dont want an online relationship with him, which i dont even have that but anyways...I want him to love me in person and show it like he does online and text. I want some1 whos there for me and he is one of the only people i actually trust, I used to tell him everything and ya, i wish i still did but i cant, we always ended up fighting about it. And i hate fighting with him but atleast we figured things out in the end which we dont now. I used to feel like i could say anythingg to him and it would be fine, but i dont now, i dont kno y i dont, but i dont. I do think it has sumthing to do with the fact that he wont hang with me in school bcuz idk, maybe he doeesnt like how i act in school so i dont wanna be anything like i am at school around him at home, but also, he is the only person i actually was me around, he knows me well enough to kno when im lying and when im sad, and trying to hide it from him hurts me, I do sumtimes wish things would go bak to that, but id much rather he be happy then me.

Haha i noticed that ya kno wat, i do kinda wirte in this thing kind of a lot.

I just love my little boner boy!
((haha you know who you are and i know you had one!))

brb

 uh thats audreys away message.. hmm okie dokie then. Im really bored and have nothing to say but i dnot have anything better to do other then write in this. 
 
Jo still doesnt kno if she is coming tomm or nto and i havent asked z but he wont so i guess it dont matter.

I wanna write! wat can i write?!

 

Do you ever feel like you jsut need to write sumtimes? Idk writing for some reason makes me feel better.

Anyways...Im really sad right now and i dont even kno why. I mean i sort of do, cuz zander sort of pissed me off in IS by hangin with jasmine, i mean i dont get him, he knows how mad and sad that makes me and tells me he wont talk to her anymore and then talks to her more, go figure.

And then when i got on when i got home he had an away message on, i dont remember wat it was but it was about school, anyways, i asked him wat was wrong and he said that he might have to change schools cuz he was absent for 5 days in 20 weeks so he might have to re-do 8th but he could go to a different school and be in 9th. I was so sad when he told me, i started crying and idk i havent been happy since then even though he todl me that his dad said that they werent gunna hold him bak, they were jsut letting them kno that he had been absent.

And then he was like "i shouldnt have todl u huh" and i was like "o thx" and he said "well i dont want u to be sad" and i was like " well thx, wat else arent u telling me so that i dont get sad?" and he was like "nothing". Duh i was thinking, ok he doesnt actually love me he jsut says he does to not make me sad, but idk, i asked him later if he really did love me and he said "yes!!!!" and i said "r u sure?" and he said "positive!!!" so im gunna believe him even tho every1 is telling me not to other then jo, by the way, thx again jo lol. I was thinking, and maybe the reason like steff and laura say they dont think he actually loves me is bcuz they never see me talk to him online and stuff cuz they dont usually come over, even tho laura is tomm.!!! yay! anyways... so maybe thats y they dont think he does, cuz jos been here and i let her see us talk and everything cuz she isnt mean about it or maybe she does think that too and jsut doesnt wanna say it, idk.

I went to dance tonight and usually i only go on mondays but now im gonig on wed. too.

Ya i said this was about dance, but its kinda not.

Idk, it jsut feels like everything is fucked up! how much do i have to beg to get him to hang with mei n school?! He has no problem with hanging with other ppl bu me, he does! ya its grand! I dont even kno wat to do anymore, i cant be upset about him not talking to me bcuz i wont talk to him either. I dontk no if its for the same reason but ya, idk, i kinda hope it is but kinda dont. If its for the same reason atleast i kno hhe doesnt hate me but that kinda means it prolly wont ever change cuz i cant go up to him and talk to him and ya idk but if its nto for the same reason then maybe steff and laura were right about him jsut saying he loves me when really, he says it to other ppl too.


Im listening to "shut up" by black eyed peas. i hadnt ever heard the song till last night at dance and then i decided to make the black eyed peas cd. Last night at dance....The first class kinda sucked cuz im sort of tired of that class cuz im tired of the dance and the song we r dancing to too. My second class was so much fun tho! The teacher is awesome! and the dance, awesome! and! the song! awesome too! I love that class! even tho i got put in group 2 and wanted to be in group 4 for the dance solos, but o well group 2 was my second choice. Im supposed to go to dance tomm night too but i havent been and idk if im going to tomm either, but i might. My dance teacher is teaching a class over the summer and i think im gunna take it, its not for my age but she said i could take it! yay! and next year...She isnt teaching a class for my age then either *tear*, but she said she would ask if i could take her class anyways, so hopefully!! For my second class i have two teachers that kind of switch on and off and one of them is the one i jsut told u abuot and the other one is pretty kool too, i dont  like her style as much but its still kool, not as kool, but still. i might take her class next year too. and my first class, i have jenny, shes kool and the dance is ok but we have been doing it for so long cuz she always starts earlier then allt he only teachers! and ya i mean atleast its gunna be perfect by the time performance comes but still! ugh we have been doing it for sooooooo long! we finally finished it last week tho but then yesterday we just went over it and over it, ya BORING!

I love zander so much! i think the whole world pretty much knows that, ya not really but u kno wat i mean. But im so sick of ppl telling me to get over him and shit! Im not going to no matter what you say! so stop telling me to! it doesnt make me sad at all when you try to tell me shit, i dont really care wat u think but its so fucking annoying! i kno who wants me to stop and who doesnt so u dont need to remind me! And jo, thank you so much! no matter how much you hated me loving him and him loving me in the begining, you still supported me! and you still do! you are never mean to me about it, EVER! and you dont kno how much that means to me! you are the best friend any1 could ever ask for! I love you so much! your like my sister! and no matter wat i say bout u and john, im glad ur dating him and it makes me so happy to see you happy with him. I dont kno him that well but wat i do kno, he seems pretty kool and nice too, hes pervy at times but if its ok wtih u then its ok with me, i jsut dont want u to get hurt and i hope you kno thats the only reason i try to protect you from him sayin and doin stuff but w/e you want is fine with me, but w/e you want, plz stand up for urself! I love you!

I love zander so much, more than you could ever even imagine, but maybe laura wass right....Does he want me to wait forever? I cant do that, I mean i will bcuz i kno i cant live without him, But i dont want to. I want to be with him now. Right now!